My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
