a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
