just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
