I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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