just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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