weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize
