Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i don't like sucking hair
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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