PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
im six kinds of drunk right now
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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