Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
