READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
