remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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