are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
and you fell through a lawn chair
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
