You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
