So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
