I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
