we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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