Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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