is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
