I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
