If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
