We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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