Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
