turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
