Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Let's paint friendship bongs
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I can't put those talents on a resume
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
