dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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