I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
