How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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