Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
