wanna go halves on a baby?
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
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