I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
