we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
