remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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