You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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