he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
