Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
