I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
