just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
