im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
