im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
