does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
