Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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