i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
