I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
