he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
