So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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