i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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