Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
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