So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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