i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
