PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
