please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
