i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
