Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
