I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
