dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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