You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
