I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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