508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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