Do you still have your period?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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