smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
