Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
that's an acceptable place to lick
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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