I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
