i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
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