I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
