We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I think my moral compass just broke
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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